


Feels Like Love, Tastes Like Poison

by acuteneurosis



Series: Caught in the Act [24]
Category: Skip Beat!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One Night Stands, Secret Identity, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-03 01:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19453987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acuteneurosis/pseuds/acuteneurosis
Summary: It's nights like last night that remind Tsuruga Ren that he isn't doing alright and this isn't healthy.He's not the only one that needs the reminder.





	Feels Like Love, Tastes Like Poison

**Author's Note:**

> Vol 4 Cover plus Act 18

He hadn't expected her to be awake, he really hadn't expected the look on her face, and he definitely wasn't prepared for the small bluish-purple stone that he saw resting in her hand.

Dragging himself away from the memories that the stone evoked, pushing past the surprise at the look of bittersweet peace on her face, and trying to ignore the sweetly seductive aura of her draped in his white sheets and lit by early sun, Ren made himself take one deep breath. And then another.

"I didn't realize that you were awake."

Like magic, or a switch being flipped, her smile turned from peaceful to distant, from bittersweet to slightly mischievous. She sat up, not too slowly but with discreet care, and the sheets somehow managed to stay hugged to her chest even though she wasn't holding them with her hands.

It was practiced, deliberate. She was hiding from him now, shutting him out. And if he didn't know who she really was, Ren would be more irritated at her sudden faux modesty.

But if this was Kyoko-chan, it might not be so dishonest after all.

"I wasn't going to sleep forever," she answered, and he was a little surprised at the boldness in her voice. But her eyes were carefully blank, and he found it difficult to read all that she was thinking.

So he guessed. And because he was Ren, who had once been Corn, and because this was definitely Kyoko-chan, even if he didn't guess with confidence, he tried to do it with the conviction of being right.

"Did you have any plans for this morning?" he asked, adopting her casual avoidance to talking about exactly how they had gotten here, without giving her an easy exit.

He wanted answers. He wanted to know why.

She shifted slightly before answering, "I do, but not here. I'll probably need to get going soon."

"Of course. Bathroom is through there," he told her, gesturing with his head and watching her brows twitch into a slight frown when he didn't also move out of the way. After a slight pause, he added, "There are extra towels and things there already."

It was only the slightest hesitation before she managed, "Thank you," with a calm smile.

Then her back was to him as she searched the floor for her clothes, and he forced himself to look away. Which was almost funny. He'd had no hesitations last night when he had invited her here, and only moments ago had been daring her to expose herself to him again.

But this was Kyoko-chan, and if she wanted her privacy, he would have to give it to her.

No matter how attractive the other prospect.

So he silently made his way out of the room, made a weak effort at finding something for breakfast, and quickly gave up and just made coffee.

He could handle coffee. He hoped.

What he couldn't handle was the sight of her shoes, perfectly neat and straight by the door, her bag neatly upright and sitting next to them. He wasn't sure if it was just how Kyoko-chan always left her things, or how she left her things on nights like the one they'd just shared, ready to run as soon as the sun came up.

How many nights had she had like this?

And how had she had time to make things so neat? He was pretty sure he had started kissing her almost the second that the door had closed.

He didn't like where his thoughts were taking him, how much practice she might have neatly stacking her things while being… distracted.

"Thank you for letting me use your shower," she interrupted his thoughts suddenly, and Ren was sheepish if grateful for the interruption. "I should be going now."

"Right," he said, standing quickly and noticing the slight twitch of her fingers and careful unblinking of her eyes. "Thank you for coming. We should do this again sometime."

It wasn't fear exactly that crossed her face for the tiniest second, but it was close enough to trigger every bitter feeling of rejection Ren had tried to pretend he couldn't feel anymore. She sounded calm enough when she answered, "I don't think so. But thank you for offering."

And maybe she was a little grateful. For what exactly, Ren couldn't be sure. That he was being polite and distant and not asking questions, maybe. For easing whatever feeling had left her lingering at the bar last night, attracting all sorts of attention and pushing most of it away with a gentle smile and casual disinterest.

He was grateful too, that she had chosen him out of the offers that had been being made to her. That she had looked at him and trusted him and let him lead her off into the night.

To someplace where they could be lonely together.

But she wasn't just grateful, and Ren knew it. Knew it with the certainty that he knew she was Kyoko-chan, and that he had given that stone to her, and that she had kept it because it was a comfort when she desperately needed one.

He knew it like the look on her face, the one that had appeared between her bittersweet recollections and that careful smile that kept him at arm's length.

It was a face he saw almost every day in the mirror.

"Who was it?" he asked, and he hadn't meant for the words to carry quite that much emotion, quite that much sympathy.

But they did, and he watched it hit her like a slap to the face. The gratitude was gone, replaced by a distant and haughty look.

He wondered how often her own mother had looked at her just like that.

He wondered how often the one who had broken her heart had.

Ice and steel she replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He should have just let her leave. That was the right thing to do. She was choosing not to tell him, and he should be choosing to let her. To leave things be.

But he didn't, because this was Kyoko-chan, and Kyoko-chan shouldn't be lonely. Shouldn't be looking for absolution in the arms of strangers. Shouldn't be kissing them like she had kissed him, or curling up by their side, or smiling that bittersweet smile in their beds while she thought they weren't looking and while she was thinking of him.

Him as he had been.

Would be again, for her. If that's what she needed.

"Kyoko," and he could see she was alarmingly startled by his use of her name.

"I told you my name was Natsu," she said, trying for a touch of indignant anger, but not quite giving it the edge it needed.

He moved between her and the door, but not too close to her. "You don't have to keep doing this. It isn't worth it."

"You don't know-"

But she didn't finish the sentence. Because she saw his face, the one he didn't show to other people, and he knew she recognized the feelings in it. "It hurts," he told her, "but you can't keep punishing yourself. It's not worth it."

He said it with conviction, and was glad that the President and his manager weren't there to contradict him with their skeptical looks and accusatory eyes. They knew what he was. That even if he knew what he had just said was true, he wasn't living it.

He'd been there last night too. Been pulled in by the emptiness of the last ten years and the frustration of all that he still hadn't done. Hadn't become.

Shoulders slumping slightly, he caught the first hint of defeat in her eyes when she asked, "Does it ever get better?"

"Yes." He lied. He lied with all the confidence and reassurance that ten years of acting could bring. With all the desperation of someone who had once loved her, who still loved her, and who very seriously wanted to know who had hurt her like this, to the point where she felt she had to punish herself in this way.

He wanted to greet them with very angry violence.

But for now, he just lied, and lied with all the power that he possessed. With all the confidence of a man who had once convinced her that he could fly.

"Yes, Kyoko," he said as firmly as he could. "It gets better. Starting right now."

And she smiled, and he didn't know it yet, but he was right.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't really sure where this one was going to go when I first looked at the cover. I certainly didn't think it was here... As a general rule, please do not follow characters' bad examples. It is always a bad idea, even if someone writes it.


End file.
